How Funny?

A few years ago I lost weight and I felt great in every way – mind, body, and soul. My body was running a lot more efficiently – I was thinking more clearly, I had more energy and everyone around me noticed some big changes. At the time it felt great to have someone say, ‘Man you look great, what are doing?’ I would oblige the person with my regimen and some would say great and others would say, ‘Oh, I can’t do that’. But I was never fazed by the negativity – I felt way too good.

Well, I’m doing well, losing the weight, in the beginning I couldn’t really see the changes happening like the last time. So I would go about my business taking the process one step at a time. Well, now my secret is out, people have slowly realized that ‘Erica is shrinking – literally’. When one of my colleagues asked me if I was losing weight, I reluctantly said yes. In the past I would have willingly said, yes and give the rundown of what I was doing to lose the weight. I know the more people know the more accountable I am to keep the weight off. I get that but this time around I find myself loathing these discussions because I either have a great conversation or realize someone I thought was so nice is really a complete jerk. Negative energy – it’s such a confidence killer.

So, recently I’ve found talking about my weight to be so burdensome and drain on my sensibilities. I still tackle the stairs and as I’m walking up (I take the stairs three times a day going up and down at least four to five times to stay challenged on the stairs). I’m greeted by smiles and comments. At first I smiled and kept it moving but suddenly I noticed more and more people were finding a way to hit the stairs. When one woman told me I should be careful or I’ll have buns of steel. I thought to myself wow, what would make her say that. I smiled and chuckled with this woman but I began to notice a hint of sarcasm.

And I thought about change and when it happens how others around you change either for the better or for worse. I’ve noticed a few people have joined Weight Watchers and they look absolutely fabulous and I can find support in these people. But I also see another side; there will always be naysayers just around the corner.

So while I continue to walk the stairs I’ve begun to think about what my naysayers have said to me – the comments as I walk by. And I wondered why people have such a hard time supporting a person who’s doing what’s best for themselves? And what’s so bad about celebrating a good thing?

Personally I think it’s impossible to just be happy for someone, the human side comes roaring out wanting to crush what change for good comes its way. Why? Because comfort doesn’t work hand in hand with change.

So I really began to see how self-centered we are as individuals that no matter how well someone else is doing it all comes back to that individual and what they are willing to do or not do. And how they attempt to project their insecurities on to someone else. Or in this case to look at themselves and change or not change.

Now I understand what it takes to change – I’ve resolved that change is good even when others don’t like it. So I’ll take the Skinny Mini and Buns of Steel comments because in the end – I want change for me.